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Title: Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
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Author: Henry Cloud
Rating: Not available
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Review of Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

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Comments for Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't

• Posted on 2009-08-13
  Overall good, but lacking one major piece
  
  I have read "Boundaries" and found a lot of useful information in it so when a friend recommended this book to me, I bought it immediately. At that time, I read through about 1/3 of it before putting it down and just not picking it up (not really sure what happened). After another discussion yesterday about relationships, I dug this out and started over. This time, I got all the way through -- yea!
  
  The book talks about people who are "safe" and people who are not. How to identify which group a person falls into and why we often are attracted to the "unsafe" folks. This portion of the book was very good and I found myself highlighting a lot of information. It also holds a mirror up to the reader's face about their own level of "safeness" and caused a lot of introspection for me about where I pass the safety test and where I don't. Since this is all framed in a very biblical context, it feels balanced to me and not just an "it's all about me and my needs" kind of book. As a person goes forward developing new relationships, this book and its teachings are very helpful.
  
  Where this book falls short for me is on what to do once you are in a relationship with a unsafe person. The authors say that you need to confront the person with what is bothering you. If that doesn't work, you should have an intervention with multiple people confronting the individual with what the problems are. There is lots of discussion about acceptance and love and forgiveness around this whole thing. It also says that if you don't confront the person and chose to withdraw, you are going against God's wishes. All that was a bit much for me.
  
  While all that may have a lot of validity with a spouse or family member (who wants the first option to be divorce?), I am not at all convinced that that is necessarily true with friends. Friendship is a voluntary relationship, period. When you find yourself sucked into an unhealthy relationship with a narcissist or a dishonest person, for example, I don't buy into you must try and try and try to "fix" the relationship. I am not even sure that you even need to confront them. I would have liked to see more time devoted to how to get out of a doomed relationship and more of a distinction about getting out of a toxic friendship vs. marriage (very different in my book). That is what kept it from a higher rating from me.
  
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• Posted on 2009-07-19
  Good Solid Book
  
  I recommend this book for anyone who has like myself had problems setting and enforcing boundaries with unsafe people, places and situations. While it is heavy in Christian religious background none the less it provides solid information for non-Christians and non-religious people.
  
  Wish I read this twenty years ago.
  
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• Posted on 2009-07-04
  Safe People Review
  
  This book is a great tool guide in how to see warning signs not only in yourself but others who may be unsafe in your enviroment. So many examples, I am sure you can find someone and some example you can relate too. Buy this book, you will not have any regrets!! But healing !!
  
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• Posted on 2009-07-02
  An excellent guide for those who are dating or seem to attract the wrong people
  
  This is a CONCISE book loaded with useful and practical information for avoiding people who might be a HIGH RISK for various types of behavior or future problems. It is PARTICULARLY applicable to people dating for the first time or returning to dating after being divorced.
  
  This book is written from a Christian viewpoint, however, the ideas, principles and common sense advice apply to any situation or religious context. Although the religious language may turn some readers away, the psychology and sociology that underlies it is inescapably logical and sound.
  
  In brief, this book is worth it's weight in gold to those dating or looking to avoid problem people. A good companion to this book which is greater in scope and more research-oriented is The Gift of Fear. The two books compliment each other well and the referenced book has so many high rated reviews it would be redundant to add anything here.
  
  If you can get your hands on it, Will Our Love Last?: A Couple's Road Map is a more secular read from a different, but equally valid perspective in terms of psychology. Given the importance of the topic and consequences for a mistake, I would get at least these two. Another book worth checking out is the bestseller Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, which talks about intuition, unconscious thought processes and how they apply to real life.
  
  Finally, if you are Internet or computer dating, I can't recomment this book, the "Gift of Fear" and "Blink" too much. It is estimated that in any face-to-face communication 7% of the information is encoded in the words, 55% in body language and facial expression and the remaining 38% in tone of voice, inflection, etc. On the Internet or via personal ads you don't have ONE or TWO of these communication channels available. Think about it!
  
  
  
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• Posted on 2009-06-22
  Great book for anyone.
  
  I found this to be an extremely insightful book. It helps you to recoginize unsafe character traits in others so that you can avoid hurtful relationship. It will also reveal your own unsafe traits so that you can work on changing yourself. A must read if you find yourself going from bad relationship to bad relationship, or you can't seem to find friends that you can trust or confide in.
  
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